Youth

Yesterday I went to the youth group at Central Heights, called lifeline. I didn't think I would like it, I was begging my mom to keep me home... She made me go tho, she said I would love it, but I still didn't believe her.

As soon as we got in.. my ears ached.. it was SO loud... the boys i mean... Screaming and yelling, and wrestling, and just having fun.. the girls weren't as loud as the boys... obviously. We get in ( mom and me ) and we go to find Phil, the Youth Pastor. He talked with us for like a second, and then a girl stepped in, one of MANY Youth Leaders, her name was Amanda, otherwise known as Mandy, she was really awesome. She spent like almost the whole entire time with me..I didn't know anyone but her.. so I just hung out with her.

We basically play games and stuff for an hour, and then we listen to Phil preach, hes actually.. like... super funny! Hes a great pastor for youth! After we go back into the crazy loud room, and play more games. I sorta felt out of place there and I went to the back of the room and stood leaned against the wall.. i didn't know what to do. Suddenly, a girl from my Hip Hop class ( which btw, I've NEVER talked to ) walks up to me and says " Would you like to hang out with me and mmy friends?" alright!!! So her name is Sarah, shes appearently a lot nicer than I thought! Her and her friends like.. welcomed me into there group right away! It was soo awesome! We played ping pong for a bit, and then we left and sat in the hall because it was like.. major loud in there.

Then Sarahs friends parents came and they went home about 5 min later Sarahs Dad came, so I was just standing at the door, I saw Mandi, but she was talking with a leader so I didn't wanna interupt her, ya know?? Suddenly she turns around and shes like... "HEY! I was JUST telling him how I couldn't find you??" Then she turned to the other leader, "Wasn't I just telling you??" We laughed for a bit and then talked about Hip Hop.. and School.. and how she cant remember names! I told her she reminded me of my mom. My mom is really bad with names.. but shes getting better (hehe mom if your reading this... :D LOVE YOU!hehe)

Anyways, Youth went really well that nite, i thought it would be crap.. but it was like... major fun.. and like.. major loud. And I cant WAIT for next week!!

I should go now, I gots some homework to do... WoOt<3
Byebye<3

<3Shayna

(P.S the <3 is a heart, just in case you were all wondering, if you turn the < around and make it point down and put the 3 on top... its a heart!! :D haha <3 byebye)

Yay!!

Okay, so.. like.. PARENTS ARE HOME! yay! flew in last night.
Jessica came over, she deicded to make cookies and wait for them so she could say hi to mom and dad. Haha! Marina and Emma also came over because their parents were picking up my parents from the airport, so we baked cookies for them, "Dad's cookies" ( Altho we should have put more oatmeal in it... but oh well)

We got told they would be home around 11.. so we were making cookies and fooling around,amd the make up war paint just HAD to be involved in all of this, and we decided to make up a dance for them. It like.. 9, so we start and guess what... not even a minute into the song, and mom yells... "Shayna!!! Aren't you gonna come upstairss??" CRAP! So we all RAN to the bathroom and scrub our faces clean.. it will have to be saved for another day.. oh well eh? Maybe next time....

But ANYWAYS, Im SO glad their home.. as most of you probably know. Even if we're not doing anything amazing, its just nice to cuddle with them.. nice to have them here.... after all that time away from them, ya know?

Anyways, I should go.. I'll talk to chu all laterrrrr

<3Shayna

Hip Hop

okay, So today is my first hip hop class.. Im SO nervous..! I Make shure to look like im ready to dance hip hop, but not to go over the top. Im all excited, I get there.. and my stomache turns... 4 girls... 2 are best friends... 2 are best friends... which leaves me... alone. Greeeeaaaaaat. That was the first fault... Second, I wore FLIP FLOPS!! haha yea, i know.. im genious! THIRD, My flip flops where are sweaty so I kept slipping.. and Last but not least, My hair was a fluff ball!

Yup, I had fun.. I picked up the choreography well.. I think, Brittany Richmond ( my teacher ) Said I was doing good... So, I hope I really am.. and shes not just being nice. Shes a really kewl teacher, She prays at the beginning of the class, and shes really fun.. And she laughs in the middle of dancing! Its Awesome, I love it!

I dont really have much to write about today... I just thought I should write about my dance so everyone knows what Im up too these "parentless days".

I talked with mrs.Majewski about my parents gone.. In my journal of course.. Shes a really good help! Im so glad to be in her class! LoL, I actually cried writing my journal one time! Haha! I miss them so much and I cant believe its only... 3 days until they come hommeee!!

I've talked with Patti and Rachel when they were gone.. Patti about friends "stuff" and Rachel.. actually I dont even know.. we talked about so many different things, we just laughed and had a fun time on the phone. I love Patti and Rachel for being there for me! You guys mean so much to me, and im glad your there if I need prayer or.. just someone to talk to!

Anyways.. I had loads of homework.. and i gotta go!!
Byebye!!<3

Today.. I think

i Hello Oh faithful few that read my blog. Haha

Today was just like any other day, School.. Car pool.. home. Oh Joy, haha.

My friends keep telling me I should work on getting my singing to take me somewhere, but WHERE?? I have like.. NO connections..!!
Anyways, I tried to get a clip of me singing on here.. couldn't figure out how.. :( Maybe next time!! if anyone knows how.. that would be AWESOME if you could tell me.

My parents are gone.. as you already know.. it kinda sucks, I mean.. I like Margie, but she basically is TOO quiet. When she calls me and Mary for dinner, we can barely hear her... When she called me, I didn't even know she was calling.. so mary just said louder "Shayna!! Dinner!" And i heard right away and came! I think she thinks im not listening to her.. but its not that.. I CANT HEAR HER!! haha She needs to speak up... a lot. Shes really nice tho, but shes not strict, and TOO quiet, I guess there is such a thing as too quiet!

Other than that, everything is going fine, Mary made tacos tonite, well she made the shells(THANK YOU PATTI CULLEY!) I made the meat. It was GOOD if i do say so myself, hehe!

Yesterday I called Rachel to ask her if I could put her as my emergency contact for school, and we ended up talking for like.. 45 min! hah! Not really on a particular subject, we just rambled on, shes soo funney. i loved it.

Schools.. meh, cant complain, its school. WAYY to much stuff to carry home after school.. im used to just a back pack.. now its a binder, and my Math textbook, and my Science textbook, and my purse, and my ANYTHING else i brought! Haha, its too much to me!

Any ways, i should go.. I will blog again soon! byebye Faithful bloggers! (hehe I still think thats funney)

bibi
Shayna<3

"Dear Diary"

Yesterday, my parents left for Wales, England, and then Scotland. I miss them.

My school (ASIA) decided to start a disrict wide spelling bee. And we've only been in school like...3 DAYS! And you can bet, my teacher is prolly gonna make me go into it. Joy. And you can bet that was sarcasim. My friend put up my hand, but im too scared to go into front of the whole school... AND to go disrict wide online. Its crazy! Mrs.Majewski already told me Im prolly in it. IM not to excited... what if I spell a really easy word wrong? Like silence? I know i can spell silence, but in front of all those people I might spell it wrong and that would be emabarassing!

Yesterday, my teacher came up to me after class.(Mrs Majewski) She said to me "Are you okay? You seem really quiet today! And why wouldn't you share you're writing with the class? Thats not the Shaina I know!"
I told her "The Shaina you know, has changed a lot since grade 5.... And im fine..."
"Are you shure?"
"Well, my parents are leaving for England today.."
"For how long?"
"Two weeks"... Then I dont know why, but i started crying.. Yeah shure, imma miss my parents but I didn't think I would.. THAT much!!
Mrs Majewski looked at me for a second, and then said "Awwwee! Shaina! You'll be fine!" Shes a really awesome teacher im glad im in her class! She told me if I ever need to talk.. shes always there.

I guess I really do miss them. My spirit does anyways, more than I know. See My parents haven't really gone away for this long without us... ever. They dont usually travel, I mean.. My dad goes to confrences in Toronto, and Same with my mom. My mom and dad were going to go to Venezuela.. But my dad didn't have enuf money to go in time. So he sent mom by herself. And she had loads of fun! but they've never really gone at the same time without us.. Its kinda wierd coming home from school and having them not there,, ya know?Its really crazy...

But I gotta go and finish waiting till we get driven to school.. I asked to be woken up at 6:45 so I could shower... and Margie woke me up at 6:05. I was like... noooooo! I was sooo tuired.. and I got already 40 min before we actually go.. lol! So i gotta go... byebye<3<3

Shaina<3

Duke<3

Dukey

My totally sweet Dog

This is my Dog ,Duke. Hes not technically my dog, hes my dads. But my dad cant rightfully call him 'his dog'. Me and Mary take care of Duke. Hes a really spazzy dog, but I love him anyways. Dad doesn't like Duke because of that. Im not saying my dad is bad.. or wrong (I dont usually like spazzy dogs either) Im just saying he should keep up with his respoinsiblities wayy more!

Duke was doing really great until one weekend he bit too people.. not badly tho. Not that im making an excuse for him biting.. it was wrong I know. And ever since then it seems dad doesn't like him anymore. Which is Sad... Cuz now dad always talks about getting rid of Duke for a quieter more people friendly Dog. Yea that'd be nice... but we cant just give up on Dukey boy!

Rite now hes on Pro Zack. :P Yup A Dog on Happy Pills. Hes really calm now.. and hes been doing really good. I think he'll be fine around people.. but once again.. no one trusts him but me. BEFORE he was on his pills I had my friend Jessica over.. and he was FINE with her.. he was playing with and wrestling.. and now everyones afraid once again to let him near people.. but y?

Hes sucj a good dog.. And i wish they would give them a chance....

Camping at Vaseux

Sorry folks! I've been gone for two weeks so I haven't really been able to write on my blog in that time.(No Computer at my Grammas OR Vaseux) So Im back and I cant wait to tell you all about my trip.

First week just my mom, my sister and me, went up to stay with my gramma. Gramma Sam we all call her. Shes doing pretty well.. but her feet hurt her a lot. Sometimes she can barely even stand up, and then she soaks her feet and crys.. its hard to see my gramma cry. I look up to my gramma. She was run over by a drunk driver when she was 10 and had to learn everything over again.. and shes still alive now.. shes 84. Shes my hero.

Altho I love my grammas, it can kinda be boring.. especially when the only other person around my age there, my sister, brought a friend. And she never really let me do anything with her.. so I was kinda left with my mom. Not saying my mom isn't fun.. but you know.. I need more kid company. Ya know?? imagine how my mom felt! but atleast she had her sisters.. and her mom..!

But enuf about then.

At Vaseux.












I cried the first day we got there... sat on the swings rested my head on the chains.. and balled my eyes out. Why? I missed Jessica.. My one and only friend left in the world( At the time). And then I started thinking about Sarah.. what I could've done to make the fight not so big.. Im not trying to play the innocent.. I know I screwed up just as much as she did, in my own ways. I had to admit it to myself. I missed Sarah. Loads. like.. CRAZY LOADS! After all, we WERE bestest friends... such good friends NO ONE could ever seperate us. Anytime one of us got an idea in our head, We did it.. no matter how hard it would be.

Vaseux was.... for the most part fun. Sometimes hanging out with only little kids got to my head.. and I prolly snapped at one of them.. a little more then i should've.... oops!
Hey! I mean.. its not really my fault! I needed someone there.. MY age.. or at least more mature then 10. Like Marina for example.. shes 10.. three years difference... but it doesn't feel like it. Shes really mature, and shes just a sweet heart! I love her to death! WE can hang out for FOREVER and we never tire of each other. At least.. I dont.. I dunno if she tires of me.. : Lets hope not!! haha. Me and Marina found a fish inside of a clam!! It was soo kewl! but it stunk... REALLY bad.. like.. rotten fish!! (hehe) We also found a snake ( dead one) Stuck in some washed up sea weed. Kinda gross.. but kewl. ALSO me and Marina went Fishing and it was the first fish marina ever caught without her dad in the boat!! So many memories!

Hmm any other memories worth remembering?? Taylor and I went fishing one morning Becuz Mike and his girls went out before us and each of them caught a fish. So I asked Mary, and she didn't want to go, so I resorted to Taylor. Taylor is Marys friend, shes awesome!! As we were zipping up our life jackets and slowing paddling out into the water she warns me. " Dont be suprised if we dont catch anything, I've grown to acceptthe fact that Im bad luck. Every time me and Mary go, we never caught a THING!"I just laughed and said "dont worry about it" 15 min later, and she catches a Fish! Guess Im good luck! :D It wasn't HUGE but it wasn't small either. It was maybe... 8-9 inches.. hey im not all that smart, I could be over exaderating, or underexaderating, but I dont think so. We brought it in cuz we didn't want it to die.. even tho it was in a bucket of lake water, she got her camera and she got me to take two pictures of her fish! She was sooo happy. It was her first Bass and her first Fish caught in that Lake. When we told my mom we caught something she said "I knew you would! I was praying for you two!!" Then Mike comes around, and says "And I was praying for protection, the wind was pretty strong." But hey, we made it there and back.. The canue could've tipped a couple times.. but thank goodness they were praying!

I never really did catch anything that year, but I dont really need to! Im just happy when someone else catches a fish, they're happiness makes me feel happy for them.. and I dont really care that I never caught anything!

Me and Marina also organized the kids and put on two dance shows... one with two dances.. Me and Marina's Dueo. And then A group dance. This was our end Pose. Thats Emma on top, Geli on the left, Me in the middle, Marina on the right, and then Xandra up front.











The second nite we waited till it was PITCH black and used Glow sticks.. We just took the group dance and fixed it up.. it needed A LOT more time and effort put into it!!
.......................iiiits...........




GLOW STICK TIMEE!!

IM blue, same with Geli and Emma. Xandra is Green and Marina is Orange(which sometimes looks red...)



Well I should be going! I'll re post my post about my puppy Dukey.. maybe tomorrow or something! Talk to you then!!

Love ya

<3Shaina

Squabbling

Two days ago, I got into BIG trouble. I took another one of my sisters things without asking.. and I told her after I already took it. She got very mad... and then mom got mad. And mom and I fought over msn for almost 45 min. I dont like fighting with my mom.. its crappy. But I guess when you be bad, it just happens. Im trying to stop. I dont know what Im thinking when i take her stuff.. I guess im not really thinking. Its very wierd. Becuz when I take her stuff... I dont remember anything that I've been told before.. its like my mind kinda goes blank! I know thats not an exuse for taking her stuff... but Its really weird. And I can never remember what I was thinking when i take it. Mom always asks me the same question.. 'WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!' and I honestly... dont know.

My punishment for taking Marys things is I have to help her with her chores and cleaning her room. But before she assigns something to me she has to check with mom first. I think I deserve a punishment.. but i didn't particularily like this one.... Haha

Me and my sister tend to fight a lot. Over the tinyest things! Like... mom will ask whose sock is in the hallway... and we both say its not ours.. and then we fight over it. We fight over things that DONT EVEN MATTER!! I really hate fighting with my sister. Because I see all these people who dont talk to there sisters anymore.. and I dont want it to be like that. I love my sister.. so much. But I've never told her that. I dont know why I haven't... Mary isn't really the sensitive one. If I ever told her... shed just be like.. "Cool." And then it would be all akward. Haha, but she knows I love her

Anyways. I hope I wont get in trouble again soon! I want to go to the movies today with Jessica to see 'Step up' or 'World Trade Center'. I hope to be seeing one of them before I go on Vacation. My family and two other families from our church are going up to the Okanogan for a vacation. Its a really nice little place. With our own private beach... and the waters really nice. Its good for fishing, and its just all around awesome! the kids have loads of fun swimming and playing with each other.. and the adults have fun talking and swimming. At nite sometimes we play board games all together. Its lots of fun, and I CANT WAIT to go!

I also cant wait for it to be over! Im soooo excited to go back to school! This year my school is switching buildings, so me and my friend Jessica are so excited to get to school! We hope we're in the same class! If we're not.. we're not gonna be too happy! But Im glad I get to go to this school! I love all the teachers there.. and all my friends, and the fine arts of course! Haha!

Well anyways, I guess I should get to calling Jessica to go to the movies!!

BiBi<3<3

Sarah and Kevin

Sarah and Kevin used to be two of my very best friends. We did everything together! Me and Sarah even bought our first purses together. Kevin, He ALWAYS stuck up for us no matter what, even if it was us that was doing the wrong thing. Hes been friends with jess since grade 3, and with her every step of the way. Me and Kevin have been friendds since grade four and with me every step of the way. Untill now. Sarah and I have been friends since grade 3 we've done EVERYTHING together. Sarah and Jess have been friends since grade 4, and done EVERYTHING together. Until now.

Sarah

Almost a month ago now, I signed up on this website ,A modeling one ,just for fun, and I got accepted. Im pretty sure thats what set Sarah off. She started flipping out at me over webcam and msn. She told me I wasn't model matieral, and the modeling agency wouldn't accept such an ugly person.. so i MUST be lying. That hurt.. ALOT.. but then it keeps going. "You must be mistaken, they must have told you to try out for plus sized modeling, Becuz you're soo fat! your like.. what 130 pounds?" That hurt... becuz I am almost 130 pounds. It didn't really bother me at first.. becuz I dont care about my weight alot.. i dont wanna be a stick.. ya know? That not the worst of it.. it keeps going "we were never that good of friends.. you know why? cuz your fat, thats why! I hate you so much.. you such a *BEEP*" Oh yeah, and you can bet that hurt. I wont waste your time by telling you the rest. Lets just say, she got pretty mean. And you can bet, I got pretty hurt, which probably made me meaner then i should ever be. But I was really hurt, and i couldnt control myself.

One more thing sarah said about my dearest friend Jill. "Hey, did you hear Jill smokes pot?" me " Sarah, Jill doesn't smoke pot, she never has, and she never will" Sarah "oh yes she has! Ask Kevin!She smoked it with him and Josh" So I ask Kevin, and what does Kevin say? " what the heck?! no!! I haven't seen Jill all summer!" So I tell that to Sarah, and shes says, "he's lying, ask Josh" I ask Josh, and what does Josh say? "No! I Haven't seen Jill sence the end of the year party!!" Tell that to Sarah, but NOOOOO! They're lying, and Jill smokes pot. Can you say recipe for disaster? Eventually I told Jill, and Jill usually isn't the type to get angry, but when someone spreads such HORRIBLE rumors about her, you cant blame 'er.. can you?

Dont get me wrong, I loved Sarah. We were tight, ya know? We were best friends! She helped me with everything I ever wanted to do... Made me feel like I could totally do it! But, she hears rumors, UNTRUE rumors, and believes them. Thats the one sad thing about it. Im going to miss Sarah. We can not be mad at each other.. but i am not gonig to be her friend again... not after what she did to me, and Jill, and Jessica

Kevin

One day we were friends.. the next he did the same thing! "Your so fat, you're soo ugly. Change your Display Picture you're making me barf! I hate you, I never wanna see ur ugly face again" And Crap like that. I'd have to say, It hurt more then what Sarah did. Kevin and I were WAYY closer then me and Sarah. Then Jessica got into the fight, becuz she heard what Kevin did to me ( She was sleeping over ) And she got mad at him for being to thoughtless to me. And that set him off, he started Swearing, and throwing come backs.. and capitalizling every word over the computer so we REALLY knew he was angry! We both said we didnt want to be his friend anymore.. not after we realized, how angry he could get... imagine if we were there! And he was mad at us?! Hed be like.. hitting us.. hard. Its kinda scary. But he said he didn't care... but hes now trying to be nice! Its very confusing. Some days hes really nice, even tho we aren't friends.. and it brings back memories.. I really like being Kevins friend, and im sad that we aren't friends anymore. But I dont wanna be the one that he hurts really badly when he gets angry! I just dont wanna get hurt. I know many of you are thinking... what hes just Kevin! But are you forgetting maybe, what he did to ram? Ram could've passed out, he could've died! Kevin was like.. punching him in the face.. stangling him. It took four teachers to get Kevin off of Ram.Yea, thats why were scared.

I dont know... how I could ever trust him with anything again. For example.. he talks crap about me behind my back.. and then he tells me hes my friend. The very same night.. he starts yelling at me over msn.. saying that Im ugly and crap AGAIN! He even told me to go kill myself. Hes like.. you know what, you should just go kill yourself now, go die. You must be embarassed that no one believes you could've been a model, so you might as well not live anymore. I told him I didn't care if no one believed me... I didn't need anyone to believe me for it to be true.. ya know? Then he starts tell other people rite? And then they're all like.. Shayna a model? Ew! The only way she'd get accepted is if the modeling agency was.. blind.. deaf... crippled. Shes way to.. Ugly.. Smelly.. Short. Just plain Ugly. Oh gee thanx for telling me Kevin! Then hes like.. see? Everyone thinks ur ugly! ... You can die now...

Now, before we were fighting I could tell Kevin everything.. so once I told him.. that being a pastors daughter was hard.. the pressure to be perfect.. act perfect.. look perfect! Its hard sometimes! Thats why I like our small church becuz most of the time.. They dont expect that of me. But I expect that of myself, ya know? And some times it seems like my parents do to. Its a lot of stresss.

But anyways, so I told that to Kevin right? When he tells me to go kill myself, I said to him.. "No thanx Kevin, I like my life" and he just HAD to say "Obviously not, you said you hated it, the pressure of always being perfect!" Which basically said to me 'if you hate having to be perfect.. just die.'

And now you can bet, im feeling VERY depressed rite now, and eating lots of 'comfort food' (ie; getting Cacee to walk down to the candy store with me so i could buy an ice cream drum stick and a chocolate bar, and I've been drinking smoothies.. eating Yogurt, dry cereal, anything I can get my hands on. Can u say FAT and PRAYER? yea, thats what I need the most rite now. Not so much fatty stuff and Prayer.. and lots of it.

Yea shure, somtimes I dont really like my life, but I live with it.. work around it. I wont deny it. Every kid feels the same way every once and a while.Dont mean I hate anything about my life, and I've never really regret something. I'd rather regret something for doing it, then regret not doing it.

Getting off topic. Sarah and Kevin really hurt me.. a lot. It sux to be treated like that by two of ur best friends. I hope I dont have to see them again. After all that crap they put me through.. what I need right now, the MOST is to relax with some of my real friends. The ones I know wont turn on me no matter what. Sarah and Kevin were friends that I got into little fights all the time with.. So I guess, they weren't to of my closest friends, but they were good friends nonetheless. Well tomorrow, I wanna go to the Alexanders.. spend time with the people that really care about me. That wont turn on me. But the people I really should be spending time with, is my family. Which I should be going to spend time with right now..

Good nite Friends.<3>

My Gurlies

These are My gurlies. Hailey,Emily,Emma,Marina&Morgan.
I love them soo much! But Morgan, Emily, and Hailey are leaving soon! They are moving to Prince George August 22nd. I am going to miss them soooo much! I cant believe they are really going! If you would like to see more poems about them go to my website
www.justanother--ordinarygirl.piczo.com And click on the Alexanders page. (Dont forget to sign the guest book! :P

Moi.... <3

The artist <3>

The songs I write

I dont know what gets inside of me when I write songs... But all my songs turn out.. fairly decent, but mostly sad I've noticed.

This is mi song to comfort those who have been thru Child Abuse, or just hard times

Strong All Along
Shes sits in a corner
Sobbing into her hands
She feels so alone
She has no place to go
No place to call home

She hears them curse.
Yelling her name
Mad 'cause of work
So they find her to blame

All They feel like doing
Is hiding from the world
The world hasn't treated them right
With the world they always fight
Forced into darkness
When they want in the light..
With the world they fight
..with the world they fight

Hes shut up all day
And into the night
Been locked up for 3 years,
Has never seen the light
He wants his mommy,
But shes no where to be seen
Looking at his clothes
That are too stained to clean.

He cries everynight
Trying to find some right
Calls for his mommy
But only hears himself
Waiting for her to reply...
Laying in his cell.
He bites back his tears..
Trying to be strong
When hes yet to learn
Hes been strong all along

All They feel like doing
Is hiding from the world
The world hasn't treated them right
With the world they always fight
Forced into darkness
When they want in the light..
With the world they fight
.. with the world they fight

They begin to fight
Finding themselves becoming strong
Trying to find a way out
A place where they belong

Escape little ones
To a place where you can be free
Grow little ones be the best you can be
But always remember
Its what makes you strong
Dont forget your past,
You've been strong all along.

All They feel like doing
Is hiding from the world
The world hasn't treated them right
With the world they always fight
Forced into darkness
When they want in the light..
With the world they fight
.. with the world they fight

Cant Hide
How long must I wait?
How long must I do this?
How long will you let this go on?
Im hurting, cant you see?
My heart is hurting,
Aching,
Breaking
Cant you see me?
Can you see what this is doingAm I invisble..?
What can I do?
To be seen by you

Around you I feel naked
Alone and afraid.
You make me feel Invisble
Like my lifes a charade
Im hurting, Cant you see?
My Head, is hurting
Aching
Breaking
Cant you see me?
Can you see what this is doing?
Am I invisible..?
What can I do?
To be seen by you
I feel like im Naked
I feel like Im trapped
My life feels like one big merry-go-round
Sometimes we go up,
Sometimes we go down
I feel like I wont make it through the night
My heart is Aching,Throbbing,
Killing me.
Cant you see me?
Can you see what this is Doing?
Am I Invisble..?
What can I do?
To be seen by you
My face
It doesn't seem right
I scratch it all through the night
You make me feel naked...I cant hide (x2)
Ohooohhh, I cant hideee from youuuuuu

Today

Today Im at the Culleys house.. Its been VERY eventful... (eg. Jeremy gets sent to room... telling us hes peed on his train tracks. Trying to make cookies without the oven on, Playing hide and seek only hiding RIGHT before they catch you) Its been fun... but I'd have to say... The cookie dough made it all worth it!! lol**insider** Geli and Morgan! Jeremy has now decided he eats Bigger Girls... he comes FLYING around the corner, jumps on me and go "AHHHGEEHSDJIRDHAHHHHH!!!!" Pawing at my back, Head, hands...Anything he gets ahold of... excluded all those... 'special' areas. Hes an awesome kid... yeah sure he has attention problems... but hes a cutie

Today is a New Day

Okay well, so far today, I have almost nothing. Burned a CD, did some weeding, Cleaned up a container that i had outside for almost a week now(And you can imagine how much fun that was) I've spent most of my day on the computer... I feel so lazy! I need to get out and do something... ANYTHING! This house is sooo boring! Mom and Dad went out to the Coffee shop, One sister is working.. and the other has been sleeping for who knows how long! So... I'd rather not watch TV so Im stuck on the computer.

I had a REALLY freaky dream last night. I was in the HUGE house with all of the church.. The Baumans, The Culleys, My Family, The Thiessens... etc. And we weren't there one day, and my flip flops went missing when it was time to go. So, I didn't really think much of it, and got into the car... we came back the next day with that church... and After a long day of playing I walked into a room that resembeled my bedroom... and all my pairs of flipflops where there! And i was like! PRAISE GOD! I picked up one pair and put them on my feet. I turned to the door... and there was a girl, That didn't belong to our church... she had raven black hair... and black clothes.. and snow white skin. She grabbed my hand, and i dropped to my knees, thanking her for bringing my shoes back to me... She looked at me funny, and began walking out the door with me still holding her hand... I tried to let go, but our hands had... almost melded together! I began to SCREAM for My oldest sister.... I was shreiking, and getting dragged by this LITTLE TINY girl! Finally I kicked at our hands and they broke free... All i remember doing is having her staring at me as I ran away... Im not sure what would've happened if I stayed with her... Something just didn't feel right... ya know?