Sarah and Kevin

Sarah and Kevin used to be two of my very best friends. We did everything together! Me and Sarah even bought our first purses together. Kevin, He ALWAYS stuck up for us no matter what, even if it was us that was doing the wrong thing. Hes been friends with jess since grade 3, and with her every step of the way. Me and Kevin have been friendds since grade four and with me every step of the way. Untill now. Sarah and I have been friends since grade 3 we've done EVERYTHING together. Sarah and Jess have been friends since grade 4, and done EVERYTHING together. Until now.

Sarah

Almost a month ago now, I signed up on this website ,A modeling one ,just for fun, and I got accepted. Im pretty sure thats what set Sarah off. She started flipping out at me over webcam and msn. She told me I wasn't model matieral, and the modeling agency wouldn't accept such an ugly person.. so i MUST be lying. That hurt.. ALOT.. but then it keeps going. "You must be mistaken, they must have told you to try out for plus sized modeling, Becuz you're soo fat! your like.. what 130 pounds?" That hurt... becuz I am almost 130 pounds. It didn't really bother me at first.. becuz I dont care about my weight alot.. i dont wanna be a stick.. ya know? That not the worst of it.. it keeps going "we were never that good of friends.. you know why? cuz your fat, thats why! I hate you so much.. you such a *BEEP*" Oh yeah, and you can bet that hurt. I wont waste your time by telling you the rest. Lets just say, she got pretty mean. And you can bet, I got pretty hurt, which probably made me meaner then i should ever be. But I was really hurt, and i couldnt control myself.

One more thing sarah said about my dearest friend Jill. "Hey, did you hear Jill smokes pot?" me " Sarah, Jill doesn't smoke pot, she never has, and she never will" Sarah "oh yes she has! Ask Kevin!She smoked it with him and Josh" So I ask Kevin, and what does Kevin say? " what the heck?! no!! I haven't seen Jill all summer!" So I tell that to Sarah, and shes says, "he's lying, ask Josh" I ask Josh, and what does Josh say? "No! I Haven't seen Jill sence the end of the year party!!" Tell that to Sarah, but NOOOOO! They're lying, and Jill smokes pot. Can you say recipe for disaster? Eventually I told Jill, and Jill usually isn't the type to get angry, but when someone spreads such HORRIBLE rumors about her, you cant blame 'er.. can you?

Dont get me wrong, I loved Sarah. We were tight, ya know? We were best friends! She helped me with everything I ever wanted to do... Made me feel like I could totally do it! But, she hears rumors, UNTRUE rumors, and believes them. Thats the one sad thing about it. Im going to miss Sarah. We can not be mad at each other.. but i am not gonig to be her friend again... not after what she did to me, and Jill, and Jessica

Kevin

One day we were friends.. the next he did the same thing! "Your so fat, you're soo ugly. Change your Display Picture you're making me barf! I hate you, I never wanna see ur ugly face again" And Crap like that. I'd have to say, It hurt more then what Sarah did. Kevin and I were WAYY closer then me and Sarah. Then Jessica got into the fight, becuz she heard what Kevin did to me ( She was sleeping over ) And she got mad at him for being to thoughtless to me. And that set him off, he started Swearing, and throwing come backs.. and capitalizling every word over the computer so we REALLY knew he was angry! We both said we didnt want to be his friend anymore.. not after we realized, how angry he could get... imagine if we were there! And he was mad at us?! Hed be like.. hitting us.. hard. Its kinda scary. But he said he didn't care... but hes now trying to be nice! Its very confusing. Some days hes really nice, even tho we aren't friends.. and it brings back memories.. I really like being Kevins friend, and im sad that we aren't friends anymore. But I dont wanna be the one that he hurts really badly when he gets angry! I just dont wanna get hurt. I know many of you are thinking... what hes just Kevin! But are you forgetting maybe, what he did to ram? Ram could've passed out, he could've died! Kevin was like.. punching him in the face.. stangling him. It took four teachers to get Kevin off of Ram.Yea, thats why were scared.

I dont know... how I could ever trust him with anything again. For example.. he talks crap about me behind my back.. and then he tells me hes my friend. The very same night.. he starts yelling at me over msn.. saying that Im ugly and crap AGAIN! He even told me to go kill myself. Hes like.. you know what, you should just go kill yourself now, go die. You must be embarassed that no one believes you could've been a model, so you might as well not live anymore. I told him I didn't care if no one believed me... I didn't need anyone to believe me for it to be true.. ya know? Then he starts tell other people rite? And then they're all like.. Shayna a model? Ew! The only way she'd get accepted is if the modeling agency was.. blind.. deaf... crippled. Shes way to.. Ugly.. Smelly.. Short. Just plain Ugly. Oh gee thanx for telling me Kevin! Then hes like.. see? Everyone thinks ur ugly! ... You can die now...

Now, before we were fighting I could tell Kevin everything.. so once I told him.. that being a pastors daughter was hard.. the pressure to be perfect.. act perfect.. look perfect! Its hard sometimes! Thats why I like our small church becuz most of the time.. They dont expect that of me. But I expect that of myself, ya know? And some times it seems like my parents do to. Its a lot of stresss.

But anyways, so I told that to Kevin right? When he tells me to go kill myself, I said to him.. "No thanx Kevin, I like my life" and he just HAD to say "Obviously not, you said you hated it, the pressure of always being perfect!" Which basically said to me 'if you hate having to be perfect.. just die.'

And now you can bet, im feeling VERY depressed rite now, and eating lots of 'comfort food' (ie; getting Cacee to walk down to the candy store with me so i could buy an ice cream drum stick and a chocolate bar, and I've been drinking smoothies.. eating Yogurt, dry cereal, anything I can get my hands on. Can u say FAT and PRAYER? yea, thats what I need the most rite now. Not so much fatty stuff and Prayer.. and lots of it.

Yea shure, somtimes I dont really like my life, but I live with it.. work around it. I wont deny it. Every kid feels the same way every once and a while.Dont mean I hate anything about my life, and I've never really regret something. I'd rather regret something for doing it, then regret not doing it.

Getting off topic. Sarah and Kevin really hurt me.. a lot. It sux to be treated like that by two of ur best friends. I hope I dont have to see them again. After all that crap they put me through.. what I need right now, the MOST is to relax with some of my real friends. The ones I know wont turn on me no matter what. Sarah and Kevin were friends that I got into little fights all the time with.. So I guess, they weren't to of my closest friends, but they were good friends nonetheless. Well tomorrow, I wanna go to the Alexanders.. spend time with the people that really care about me. That wont turn on me. But the people I really should be spending time with, is my family. Which I should be going to spend time with right now..

Good nite Friends.<3>