I'm so sick of everyone saying me being 'homesick' for mexico is "normal". That everyone feels it, but eventually grows out of it. What if I dont wanna grow out of it? What if I wanna stay missing mexico..? More ways for me to remember that I am going to live there. I already know I am. Its been planned, like I've said a whole bunch of times before. Everyone knows it, so stop telling me any different! You can think what you want.. and say what you feel, but don't try to crush my dreams. Hell, even if i'm not going to live there later like I want to.. whats the harm in just letting me dream? And dream on I shall.. I miss Mexico so much. I want to be there with my 2nd family RIGHT now. I wish I was.. I hate Abbotsford now.. I hate this place.. I miss my home in mexico. But dont worry people of entabledaro... I wont be gone too long, because I can't truly be at home until I am where my heart is.. and My heart is with the people of entabledaro. Theres nothing anyone can do about that.. so I'm sorry, but please stop trying. Your telling me that I am going to forget Mexico. Well not technically forget Mexico, but forget my passion to go there. Sorry, but that isn't going to happen. I am in LOVE with Mexico.. and no one can tell me otherwise. There are only two people in this world who believe me.. and one lives in the US, in two years will live in Mexico, and one live in Abbotsford like me, but come september and shes in mexico also.
All of y'all have no idea. I can quite honestly say that I feel God is CALLING me to Mexico.. can't you get that? C-A-L-L-I-N-G M-E! Me.. no one else! So why does everyone feel the need to put in their little tidbit about everything! I'm tired of it! I just want someone in THIS country to support me in my desicions. I don't give a flying horses arrrsee what you think about it. Just help me through this.. be a shoulder to lean on, and don't try the whole "Well I told you before, everyone goes thru this on their first missions trip" Or the person who says "You will grow out of it sweetie!" Or even the person who says "Well, my daughter moved to (someplace) and her and her husband are still trying to get the bugs out!" I don't need someone to tell me what other people have gone thru. I dont need someone to someone to tell me what I will and will not do. And I dont need someone to tell me what people in their life are doing. I am only thinking about what I will be doing in tres años, and what I am doing now to help me reach that goal. I dont really care what anyone says. I am only listening to God. And sure, you can not believe me, I dont really care.. I am only listening to God, like I said before. And hey, what a coincidence.. I really wanna do this to.
Seriously.. All I need is someone who will just support me! Please! That is all I'm asking, you dont need to pay for my ticket to mexico, drop me off at the airport and buy me a house! All you have to do is be there when I need someone to talk to, or if I'm sad.. don't tell me to stop talking.. let me vent, I need it. And one last thing. Don't try to compare my feelings with other peoples feelings that they may have had. Don't try to understand, because if you couldn't see why I wanted to be there right now from my stories, then you wont find out later.. so trying to understand when you really aren't is not helping anyone. If you want to understand.. LISTEN. just.. listen. Ask questions.. talk to me.. but don't think you know everything already.
Anyways. Thats my little rant. Sorry if this sounds really whiny. I dont mean it to be.. I'm just upset, and with the person I now mostly talk to in Kamloops.. There really is no one but people on msn, and thats just not the same. I could call the girl in Kamloops, but I dont wanna interupt her time with her mom, brother and neice, so why bother? I mean, she should be home.. at the end of the week? Hopefully anyways. Then she might be comming over :) Yaaay.
I'll go now. Leaving on that happy note!
Adios. Dios te bendiga.
Con amor, De: Shayna
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9 comments:
Shayna! You never told blog world -- more importantly ME that you had gone on a missions trip to Mexico!! You really should have you know. We're here for each other. I would have prayed for you: safety, health, enjoyment.
It's rally great that you feel God calling you. WARNING!!! I am about to start talking like an adult BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!!!
No one should tell you that "There is no way God would want YOU to be a missionary!! You don't know what you're talking about!" No one knows what the communications between you and God are. Read your Bible for God's instructions to you. Pray for wisdom. And LISTEN to your parents advice!! They can be total annoying brats at times (I know!) but if I hadn't listened to what they have say, who knows what I would be up to! Those little 'tidbits' are VERY important!! Annoying ... but important! And you DO need to hear other people's 'life stories'. If you don't listen you could land in the same situation just because you didn't know what may be coming at you!!
Go on more mission trips -- and not just to Mexico. Look and see what is out there. This is just the early beginning girl! Dream tons! But also think!
And for needing someone to talk to ... well ... I'm always here!
I love you!
Kinza :)
I was just reading your mom's blog and she has a link to your blog. I just wanted to tell you to go for it. Keep your dreams and don't worry when people don't take you seriously. You just keep following what God tells you to do.
Coming home from a missions trip is always incredibly hard. I did several when I was in high school and college.
It's exciting to see that you feel a calling on your heart for missions! It's so important now to let God direct what he wants for you, and the "whens" and "hows". I found it so much easier to try and make things happen- which really just stalled everything and sometimes case conflict between me and my folks. Even my pastor. Once I was able to make an effort to sit down and explain to them why I felt God was calling me, and I began to sit back and listen to God- sometimes through them - sometimes through my quiet times - things began to come together.
But they came together in the way that God wanted them to- not me trying to force things to happen on my timeline.
I'm an incredibly impatient, headstrong person. I need to feel like I'm in control on my life. But now, I know that being in control only sets me back and causes me more pain and work than God intended. He comes through. We just have to be patient, and obedient. And part of that relys heavily on the "Honor your father and mother" part of scripture.
It seems to stink- huh. But looking back, it really is the only way :)
I have a 14 year old who wants to be a cross-cultural nurse/missionary. In Africa. And as a mom now, I can see her strong desire and her passion. And it scares me as much as it excites me. See- all parents want what's best for the kids- that God will fulfill every promise He has for them. But, we also fear for them. It's the way God created us. And we mess up. Alot.
I'm praying for you. Missions is a wonderful thing. God can use you in ways beyond your imaginings. I've been to Mexico, England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland and several cities in the US. Teen Mission, church groups and Youth with a Mission. God will put you in the place he needs you most- when He needs you. He will :)
I hope your know I've tried to relate this to you adult to adult. It sounds like you can totally handle it.
Hi Shayna!
Listen here! So! You're still feelin' blue! I read on your Mom's blog something to that effect tonight! OK! Here's MY two bits! (BTW, I have to smile at that Kinza! I love it when I see that girl turn up on the net! I can just imagine what kind of an annoying brat her Mom must be!!!)
Many years ago (about 25, to be exact) I was walking home late at night from the bus stop. I was not married yet and could not drive a car. I was working as a hospital chaplain for my denomination here in Toronto but nobody wanted to support a "home missionary" and things were really tight! I was getting very tired on the job -- not because of the job but because of the lack of support and interest. As I walked home that night suddenly I was aware of the presence of Jesus...almost as if we were walking arm in arm down the road. And clear in my heart were these words just as if someone had said them out loud for my ears to hear, "Don't be discouraged, Little One! I have a lot ahead for you to do in this city. In fact, I am going to take you, by car -- not by bus. You are going to go all over Toronto, from the downtown inner city streets to the suburbs in the west and the east and the north. And you will have so many opportunities to be My Witness which is what I know you want most to do." I held my breath. I didn't want the moment to end! When I got home I went straight to my room -- everyone else was already in theirs!
I wanted to tell someone! After all, Joseph told his brothers when God spoke to him! But I also knew no one would believe me if I told them. Or they would smile and say, I guess we'll just have to wait and see!
I also remembered back to my sinfully naughty youth when I stole a small book off of an elderly lady's bookshelf! Gracious! Why would I do such a thing! Well, the title of the book was "Shhh! Don't Tell Anyone!" Ha! At age 14, with no TV or internet, it seemed like a profitable book to steal! (I should have known all the books on an elderly missionary's shelf would be harmless!) But even back then, with all my bent to doing bad, I really did want to understand the ways of God and I was not disappointed with the content of that book. The book was based on Psalm 25:14 "The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him and He will make them know His covenant."
Somehow, during that night walk with Jesus I knew He had told me a secret! No one else heard about it until very recently. It took quite awhile to come about but after I got married, I took a nursing course and worked as a psychiatric nurse in the hospital for about 5 years. I also learned how to drive! Then one day they told me they were closing our unit and I would need to apply for another position in the hospital. I was not interested, so I looked for community work with psychiatric clients. My work for the past 15 years has been driving around Toronto -- 5 years in the west end and northwest, 5 years in the downtown inner city and 5 years on the northeast side -- working with people who are struggling to live productive and happy lives in spite of the challenge of mental illness. And, yes, wherever appropriate and whenever possible, I pray with my clients about their situations and point them to the One Who is higher than all! And, Jesus, when He is lifted up, draws people to Himself.
The Lord is gracious and kind and patient. I believe He is far more concerned that I learn those attributes myself than in seeing me being a missionary here in Canada or overseas! But if He has spoken to me about something He has for me to do, He will bring it about! In His time, in His way and by His supply!
May your passion to know Him and to serve Him grow each day!
I left a long comment here; at least I thought I did. Here's the short version. I love the people of Mexico too. Nearly 30 years ago when I was a teen, I went on 2 missions trips into the heart of Mexico. I left a piece of my heart there. My dreams have been shaped in different ways, but ministering to the Mexican people is something I still have opportunity to do from time to time.
Hold on to your dreams, listen to the Lord, study your Bible, and learn Spanish. Be ready when the time comes. I'll be praying for you.
Hey sister! Keep on pressing into who He's calling you to be! I'm 6 years into the mission's field and learning and loving so much of it! The worst thing is being called to something and having people piss on it. If you want to shoot the breeze about "M" work feel free to comment me back! (Found you through your mom's blog)
hey girl
I felt the same way about Africa, I went came home and longed to be back.... 17 years later and I still do! and I know one day I will go back again, so hold on to your dreams and trust in Psalms 37, trust in the Lord lean on His understanding and He will give you the desires of your heart! that means He placed the desire there in the first place and since He is a God of His Word and keeps His promises....He will bring the desire to it's fullness!
so hang in there, pray for Mexico while you are not there.... and keep dreaming and letting God prepare you for HIS DESTINY for you!
You're an amazing girl with an even more amazing heart and I know where ever and whenever God sends you He is going to use you mightily and effectively! so prepared for opposition....cuz that's what happens to effective Kingdom makers!!
What a wonderful Christian young lady you are to "listen" to God's call and desire to fulfill it. Please always stay that way.
hey it's been a while!! i forgot i even had a blog for a big space in my life but i'm back. :b well see ya
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